kairoer's blog

The Leaders Workbook

Submitted by kairoer on Tue, 08/10/2010 - 10:37.

There has been a total lack of updates on bebetter.no the past months. I can blame summer, sun, vacation and many other things for this, but the only truth is that I have been very busy writing. 

Yes, writing.

Since April, I have been writing The Leaders Workbook, a workbook designed to help leaders reflect on their leadership, their leadership skills and the way they influence themselves, their teams and their organizations.

The book is due in November, and is currently being translated into eight different languages.

You will be kept up-to-date of the progress!  

When communication creates barriers

Submitted by kairoer on Tue, 05/25/2010 - 07:49.

Communication...

Those of you who know me, know that I love communication. I love influencing people, listening, being influenced, provoke and being provoked. I have developed a nice toolbox of methods, techniques and strategies to get my own message across, and to analyse the messages that I recieve. I try to look for the full content - not only the words, or my own pre-judices. 
Some times I encounter people and situations where it seems all they want is to create misunderstandings and problems. It may happen like this: You talk to someone, trying to explain your point of view. The people you talk to seems to deliberately listen only for critisism, not for your full message. Instead of listening to your proposed solutions, they enter into a defense mode, forcing them to only look for words and information that they can use against you.
This behavior is particularly evident in circumstances involving a high degree of emotions. You see it in change management scenarios, where one (or both) party is doing all it can to avoid the proposed change. It also becomes evident in negotiations going wrong. And it becomes evident in projects running late, and the project manager lacks (or forgets) his role as diplomat. 
I have witnessed a party of two people - who happen to work together in a company that is in need of a change of direction, and who are also family. The roles are Father and CEO, as well as majority share holder, and the Daughter, member of the board, minority share holder. The past ten years, this particular company has spend much time developing a great product, in a market in huge demand. Unfortunately, as is often the case with engineering companies, they lack the required business development skills to create a great success. 
The Daughter has tried to get accept for some minor, and some major, changes to the way the company is ran. Her proposal includes changes to the organization, as well as professionalising the management by involving parts of her network, people whom she know and trust. 
The Father declines most of these changes, except a few of the minor changes, those that will not mean much without the major changes. He has his own ideas of how to build this company, and don´t seem too found of other ideas. It is easy for him to find faults in the ideas that does not fit his own comfort zone, and instead of challenging himself, he attacks the ideas and the person behind them. 
This way of communication creates many challenges, and tragedies. For one, the Father has tried for ten years, without much success. Perhaps it is time to accept that there are different ways? Even though I strongly believe that persistency is a key success factor to any entrepreneur, failing to adapt to reality is just wrong. Failing to listen to younger people (in this scenario), with a different view of the world and business is equally wrong. And choosing to deny changes that are painful, and required, just because they do not align 100% with his own ideas, well that show a disturbing lack of agility and humbleness. Two other key factors to any successful entrepreneur today. 
But the worst mistake the Father is doing in this particular case, is failing to see how his actions are removing any and all motivation to develop this company. Not seeing how he is pushing his other partners into negativity, where they no longer feel the need nor responsibility to help develop the company. Instead, he blame his Daughter for being illoyal. While the truth is that he is unable to accept that his actions forces her to resign. Against her own will. 
From my view, the interesting thing in this conversation consists of two parts:
they both want to create a great success. This becomes evident when looking at their engagement and ideas, how they invest their time, and how they constantly try to come up with better ways to create success. Still, lack of understanding, and most importantly, lack of humbleness in listening to each others ideas and suggestions, creates a dividing gap.
they both seem to question the others abilities and interest in the company, thus reducing their trust in each other. Misintrepreting the other persons ideas as critisism instead of valuable suggestions, helps drive them apart. 
So what can they do?
First of all, they need to get off their high horses and start listening to each other. This both means learning to listen, but also learning to communicate in a way that increases the likelyhood of the other persons understanding. 
Secondly, they need to trust each other. They need to understand that allthough they disagree with some of the strategies and tactics, they have the same goal. They share the same interest, and they want the same success. 
Thirdly, they would do good to understand that there are several routes to Rome, even for this company. One way may be shorter, faster or better suited (or look that way just now), but that does not make that route the only possible one, nor the only viable one. Open up to alternatives, and dare look down those alternatives. Dare to run the scenarios, and see what may happen. Both of you.
Fourth - remember that you are family first. Business should never replace that. 
Lastly, keep in mind that words can come out very strong, especially when in an emotional state. Consider both what YOU say, and also what the other party is saying. Try to walk a mile in the other persons shoe´s before you judge their actions.
What else can they do? What are your experiences? What tips can we give to people in similar situations?
 

Spring musings

Submitted by kairoer on Thu, 05/20/2010 - 15:07.

In Stockholm, Sweden, enjoying an ice latte is just as great as enjoying a cappucino in Rome, or a glass of wine in Paris. Especially now, medio May, springtime in the Nordics.
I have found myself a perfect spot today - on the corner of Ringvägen and Götagatan, just across the street for Åhlens, is a petit coffee shop, two chairs only on the inside, seven outside where I am.

This must be one of the busiest spots in Stockholm - at least if counting beautiful ladies in summer dresses. Not even my ice latte - a nice ice coffee alternative - can keep the hottness of these walking and talking praise to life, love and summer. I get so inspired I cannot help sharing this moment with you.

Spring time and beauty in summer dress,
lovers walking hand in hand,
I can hear a band,
kids playing in the sand,
Perfect day - nothing less!

Spring time in the Nordic countries is something really special. It is not something I dare try to explain nor describe. It suffice to say it is a praise to life. Just like the cherry trees that are blooming to celebrate spring and love and a new cycle of life, the people in the North enter the streets in summer clothing, colorful, smiling, joyful and grateful for the sun that wakes then from the cold.

All shapes, all colors. Any age, any background, and any future. This time of year is dedicated to sun, love and life. And this dedication engulfs a beauty so strong it blinds anything in its way. No matter who you are, you cannot help the contagious contamination that slips in under your skin with the first sun. At first you do not reccognize it. After some time - minutes, hours, days - you find yourself smiling, and you get this increasing urge to go outside - no matter what you do or where you are.

You may find yourself buying a bottle of wine and some picnic food, inviting your friends or lover to enjoy some hours in the company of you and the spring. Or you may find yourself sipping on an ice latte enjoying the beauty of life, love and spring at a coffeeshop in the sun.

No matter what, it is impossible not to take part of the praise and celebration. If at all possible, I suggest you spend late winter and spring time in this region to experience this great, collective joy.

Being part of this celebration is a huge energy boost for me, as well as a nice inspiration.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Ringvägen,Stockholm,Sverige

Balancing energy and projects

Submitted by kairoer on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 19:09.

Solar power energy

It has been 8 months since my minor accident  back in August. I feel it is time for a short recap, and a summary of my experiences so far.
August 25, 2009, I had the interesting (not as in pleasant) experience of a trafic accident. I experienced what is often referred to as «Out of Body» experience, an event that reassured me that my life values and goals where right on target. And I was (still am) extremely happy to have had such an experience, and to be back in this body, in this life. 
The way back from my injuries has been a tough one. I spent quite some time in hospital, and in rehabilitation. And because I live in a country where the government takes care of health, I have not ended up with a huge bill to pay. 
The first half year, the biggest challenge was physical. It took a lot of hard work (training, that is) to get back into shape. In the process, I have regained my strength, and gained some more. I have lost weight, and my waist is smaller than before. My lungs are still in need of special attention, and parts of the body acke from time to time. But that does your body too, right? 
I have had to set new goals in order to motivate myself to get back in shape. I still want to run a marathon. Probably not this year, though. What I will be doing this year is a thriathlon sprint instead. It is not as heavy as it sounds - a sprint is 750 meters swimming, 20 km bike riding, and 5 km running. And as long as I can determine my own speed, I should be able to run a triathlon sprint in August. This year. 
The thoughest challenge for me so far has been the mental strain. I still experience some very vivid dreams , although much rarer now. The fascinating thing about those dreams are that they change - so far, I have experienced dying in an amazing number of ways (in my dreams, that is). I will not bore you with such details.
What most people will experience as a result of the accident is not the fact that my arm still hurts, so shaking hands is not that much of a pleasure for me, but the lack of energy  I get at times. What happens is that I can loose most, if not all, the energy and drive I have. This, in turn, leads to projects slowing down, that I do not respond to e-mails that quickly, and that I simply are harder to reach than when I am on a high. 
This is, according to my doctor, a perfect normal reaction. It should go away within 12 to 18 months after the accident. And the frequency of when it occures should decrease, as well as the time it lasts. This information is of great comfort to me, as I try to relearn my working ability boundaries. Impatience as I am, I would love to be fully recovered, so that I can go about and do all the things I used to, in the same speed as before. 

I must admit that I tend to omit this fact when I do business and projects, hoping that this time I will be fully recovered, so no more downs will occure. Then I head on down the road, gaining speed, and at some point - usually very hard to predict when - I run on empty. And we all know what happens when running on empty - your car simply stops moving (unless there is downhill, gravity forcing you forward). 
And that is usually the time I bring out the Accident Card, explaining that what is happening is not my lack of interest, but my lack of energy. It will come back at some time (usually a few days, perhaps a week if I am really strained). My challenge, though, is to keep the number of projects down, so that I am able to balance the energy use with the energy reserves I have. Or delegate. 
Do you have any experience where you loose energy? What do you do to mitigate that effect? What are your secret weapons to stay on track, and deliver as promissed, even when you are lacking on energy?

Time and priorities

Submitted by kairoer on Thu, 03/25/2010 - 00:19.

As the observant reader of this blog has noticed, I have not posted much the past month. Why? I will not bore you with such non-relevant matters.

What I will, is to rant about time. People in my part of the world constantly talk about time. How little time there is to do whatever it is they want to do. That time is running out, it is something that is limited and something they must treat with the utmost attention and care. Yet, they seem to be filled with a sense of time running out. 

In other cultures, time is not something that is limited, something that is running out. Some parts of Africa, for example, time is an endless resource that is coming towards you. There is plentiful. More than enough. You can even share your time with someone else. Like having a meal, or a party. There is no complaints about lack of time. 

Back here in Europe, we spend hours every day watching (wasting is more like it) TV soaps and sit-coms. Those hours, we do not complain. As a matter of fact, if we talk at all, we say "hey, hand me that remote". Or "Give me some chocolate too". By the end of the evening, we switch off the blue screen, crash in bed and wake up exhausted the next morning. And as we enter the office, we start the complaints again.

"I almost did not make it to kindergarden today."

"Too many meetings. I will not be able to workout today."

And my favorite one - I hear this all the time:

"We never talk anymore. We have no time between jobs, school, kindergarden and all the activities".

Again we head home, fetching the kids on the way, cooking some pre-made, tasteless meal. Hush the kids to bed (or where-ever they go in the evening), and drop down in front of the next episode of The Wire. Wasting another evening.

I challenge you.

Stop complaining until you do something about your life. Time is abundant. There is more than you will ever be able to use. Just stop wasting your life on meaningless activities. Follow your passion, and set out to do something! Something special! Something only YOU can do!

Imagine what a waste of life it is to just sit there on your fat bum and dream. Never pursuing your dream. Thinking "Oh, tomorrow will be the day when I change my life". Tell you something, my friend. Tomorrow never comes. Only today does. Only NOW matters.

Stop complaining, and start follow you passion!!! NOW! 

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