Patrick Knight, ITF, at hospital
Submitted by kairoer on Sat, 11/28/2009 - 08:44.
It is with great dismay I share the sad news that Patrick Knight, ITF, author and lawyer, familyman and great friend, has been hospitalized this Thanksgiving due to a shooting.
My Core Values
Submitted by kairoer on Thu, 11/26/2009 - 13:03.
I have spent some time considering my values. To me, there is only one true value that I believe in. Allmy actions, all my thoughts and all my results are based on this single value.This value is Love.
Love as in the eternal, universal power that guides everyhuman being. Love as the most powerful emotion we experience, live and share. Loveas the most fundamental connector of mankind.
Let me elaborate a little.
Love is the highest value of mankind. It consists of a constantwish of being better. And a constant wish of making others better too. Aconstant wish of a world where all there is, is love, happiness and mutualunderstanding. This love is based on two vital parts: Respect. And Trust.
Respect
Respect to me means that no matter your religion, belief,opinion or values, I will respect you for what you are. I may not like you. Imay not agree with you. I may even hate what you stand for. But I will give youthe respect you deserve. And there is the keyword of respect. You have todeserve it.
To deserve respect, you have to stand up for your self, yourbelief and your values. You must be in charge of your own life, and becommitted to living it. If you waste your life in front of the television, orcomputer, and do not invest in your own happiness and success, you will notdeserve respect for your actions. You will only be respected as a person, assomeone with potential, which you are wasting. If you want my full respect, youneed to be in charge of your actions, dreams and life. Live life to thefullest. As you live today, not yesterday, and not tomorrow.
Trust
No man can interact with another without some level oftrust. The more we trust each other, the more we are willing to share andenjoy. And the more we share, the better we get to know each other, the morefun we have, and the better results we create.
Trust is earned just like respect. It takes time and effortto build trust, especially when from different cultures. To earn that trust, Iwill share my life with you. I will share my values, actions and information.Sometimes I will have to take a risk – sharing information with you withoutknowing if you are trustworthy. Most of those cases, by showing trust in you,you will take good care of what I share with you, and show me that I was rightabout trusting you.
If on the other hand, you fail these increasing levels oftrust, you will jump down the ladder again, and suddenly end up in a situationwhere I do not trust you, and you do not trust me.
To gain your trust, I need to show my trust in you. Thus Iwill share with you, so you realize I take interest in you, and that I trustyou. Slowly you will start trusting me too, and share your own values, history,dreams and information. This is how friendship grows, and where mutual love isgrowing too, as a consequence of the friendship.
Communication
To glue trust and respect together, communication is key. Notonly do we need to share words, we also need to share time and space. We needto share those intimate moments where just a quick look can make us burst outin laugh, and those moments where tears are filling our eyes.
Communication today is really easy across borders, usingelectronic communication like phones, SMS, chatting and social media. And thesetools enable friendship, trust and love to grow much easier, faster and moresecure than without. Yet communication needs to be physical too in order toreach the highest level of trust and respect, the highest level of love.
Our body sends and reads all sorts of tiny signals. Fromwhere we keep our eyes in a conversation, to the tone of voice. From thechuckle, to the tiniest of smiles. From how we hold our body, arms and legs, tohow we reply. These signals and many more are subtle at best, they aredependent on the culture one comes from, and they are a vital part of the fullmessage one is communicating.
Thus, to gain full love, respect and trust, communication isvital.
I believe in Love. Love is based on respect and on trust. Andcommunication is the glue that makes it possible.
* Picture from http://learnthis.ca/2008/08/determining-and-sharing-your-core-values/
When you talk about love, why can't you live it?
Submitted by kairoer on Sat, 11/07/2009 - 09:54.
Breakfast is an important meal to me. This is the meal where I wake up, enjoy nice food and have a couple of cups of tea while talking to people I like. Or just listen to music and read a good book. In the mornings - especially during weekends - I love to take the time to enjoy the morning. Taste the food for real, slowly sip to my cup of tea. Enjoy my company and just spend as long as I like.
Sometimes - especially when you are not home - you get to meet people at breakfast. And 9 out of 10 times, these people are nice and they tend to respect your habits and needs. They behave nice and try not to step on your toes. And you do the same. At breakfast, there seems to be some topics that are generally best left alone - at least in my neck of the woods. Amongst those topics are religion.
Not so this morning.
I had breakfast at a hotel, where some kind of religious conference where taking place. I wore a necklaces with the Hammer of Thor, something I happen to like because it looks nice IMO.
When I poor myself a cup of hot water for my tea, a lady approaches. She is in her late 40's, perhaps early 50's. Reaching me to my chest, and being a bit (two bits is more like it) wider than myself. Her dark hair is changing color into gray. She is wearing glasses with a thin metal frame, the glass comes complete with grease from fingers. Her skin has the look of pergament paper, she is in obvious need of an fresh air vacation. Her dress is old fashioned, gray and dull. She looks straight at me, eyes glowing.
"Is that a...No! It is not! You are not wearing a cross! My poor man, you are loosing out on the love of Jesus by wearing that! Have you not received Jesus' love yet?"
Oh man, what a start of the day. Caught off-guard by a missionary woman hunting for a target. Stupid as I was, could not help my self:
"Oh, this? It is simply a nice looking jewelry of the Fiery of Thor. It is supposed to give purpose and strength to the bearer..."
She did not listen of course, and instead she quarrelled about how she had recieved Jesus' love in her heart, how the holy spirit would tell her if she failed. I said that I was happy for her, which I am, but to no avail. She had completely shut down her listening capacities, and kept going about how I needed to receive the same love as she did.
To tell her that the love she is talking about is something we all carry, no matter what religion we choose to follow was a no-go. She just would have nothing of that. The only true love was the love of Jesus. And without that, I would never be going to heaven. I would be damned for life.
At some point she got a new idea asking if I wore the jewelry because I was walking among those who was not belonging to the right belief? Her eyes where tingling at this point, clearly showing her hope that I was a missionary like herself, on a secret mission to revert wrong believers to her own right one. When I told her that doing so would be lying, she was a bit stunned. I tried to explain that if one followed the believe of Jesus, as she clearly did, would it not be wrong to distance your own belief, pretending to be a follower of some other religion, just to save these people from their own destiny? Would this not be hypocritical? Would it not be to break the Commandment "Thou shalt not lie"? And what happened to the love of Jesus, if you truly feel this love, why can't you love everyone as your equal? Why is it so that following one religion automatically means you have to reject any and all other perception of truth and belief?
As she discovered that this one was not so easy to win over as she had expected, she found herself another target.
For me unfortunately, the rest of my relaxing breakfast had been ruined. So ruined in fact that I had to write this rant. I have one simple question - when you talk about love, why can't you live it?
Ten actions that are guaranteed to motivate you!
Submitted by kairoer on Wed, 11/04/2009 - 10:03.
Life is filled with experiences that take you up to the highest hills, and down into the deepest caves. And I am no different. These are the ten things I do when I need to dig myself out of a cave, or use as a parachute when I tumble down from the highest mountain!
10: Music
Music is claimed to origin from the rhythms of nature. From the wind sweeping over the sea, over the rocks, hailing through the forest. From birds singing, wolfs crying. From the shifts of nature that bangs on constantly, silently, wild, endlessly. The first humans gathered the rhythms using drums, sticks and hauling. Over the years the rhythms has evolved and refined itself, creating music.
Music is energy. Refined, redefined energy. It surrounds us. And it controls our emotions. You can easily control your moods by the type of music you listen to – happy, sad, energetic, lazy, strong, angry. And if you use music consciously, you can learn to control your moods and create your own motivating playlist.
Your playlist can be used for many things – from working out, helping you reach your goals, getting you up in the morning, helping you relax, getting you “in da mood” – you name it, the right kind of music will do the trick!
9: Coffee shop
Many of us have stressful lives. Usually this is simply because we create a full agenda, with no breaks in it. There is no room for YOU in your daily life. So you postpone YOU until next vacation, or worse – until you retire.
When in need of a motivation boost, schedule a meeting with YOU in your calendar, and go to your favorite coffee shop, restaurant or bakery. Order your favorite drink, and perhaps something to eat too. When in Oslo, I would go to Coffi, and have a Chai Latte with a carrot cake. Yummy! It really makes me tickle again!
When doing this appointment with YOU, try to shut off your phone, and leave your computer behind. Bring a book, or even better a sketch book. Just sit there with the book and a pencil, type or draw whatever comes to mind!
When you feel re-energized, go back to your busy life again!
8: A gift to yourself
This goes a bit with tip #2, making sure you see YOU in your busy life. Gifts are great motivators, and can be a huge boost. There are many ways of giving yourself gifts – from setting goals and giving yourself something to celebrate. Or just deciding that “I did so good today, I will get a gift!” Or my personal favorite – use a timing device online, and send yourself a reminder of something great you did. Just make the system send it in a month, a year or in a decade!
Getting that kind of attention – from YOU – is a real boost and is sure to give you back your motivation!
7: Bag of sweets
No, this is not about chocolate and sugary sweets. A bag of sweets is something totally different – it is a collection of feedback you have received from other people over the years, plus your own success’.
I keep a large bag of sweets, small notes I have gotten at conferences, trainings and travels, as well through email, online collaborations etc. I simply print them out, and keep them in my Bag of sweets. I also include photos of special people and events that I truly appreciated.
When I am a bit sad, or question my own abilities, which I sometimes do, I grab my Bag of sweets and start reading the small notes of appreciation and praise other people have given me over the years. This makes me feel good, confident and able again. It is a huge boost of my motivation!
6: Workout
Your mental condition is directly connected to your physical wellbeing according to several studies. Your body is an organism that needs constant attention, much like a car. It will stop working if you run out of fuel (thus make sure to eat and drink), if you fail to change oil, check the tire pressure and other maintenance tasks.
In the early days – before the Knowledge worker – our bodies got to move around all day – laboring on the fields, in the forests, factories. These activities kept the body sharp, and the mind sharp too. Yes, I admit, it is unlikely that they needed their brain to be as active as you do in your job. Still, being physical adept, they had the power and energy to stay well and feel well.
So the next times you struggle to find motivation consider go to the gym, or grab your sneakers and go for a run around the park or bloc. 30 minutes cardio training really gets your pump pushing blood in your veins, feeding your brain with oxygen and endorfines. Along comes motivation and wellbeing!
Feeling down? Get out of the coach now and get your heart pumping!
5: Disconnect it all
When your brain is about to explode, when you feel you loose control, when the world is tumbling down around you, all that is happening is uncertainty of yourself. Your brain is telling you that it has no control and that you are about to fail.
At this point, I sometimes find the need to disconnect. What I mean by disconnect is to take a break from it all – leaving the computer, phones, MP3, the works, everything behind. I free my mind. Depending on where I am, I may find myself a spot on the grass, a bench in the park, or just lay down on my bed. It does not really matter – except I usually have to leave the room where I met the challenge.
When I sit on that bench in the park, all by myself, I just look out in the air, not focusing on anything, just letting my mind take off in whatever direction it wants to. I do not control my thoughts directly, I accept that they are there, after a short observation of the thought. And what I find is that as soon as I have observed the thought, and accepted it, it tends to go away. I believe this is because I just let it flow by, I do not try to follow it, nor do I try to control it.
At some point – sometimes minutes, other times longer – it seems that my brain just shuts down its word thinking process, and starts to relax. At this point, I usually feel a relaxation filling my body, along with a joyfulness that is hard to describe. At this time, you can usually see me sitting there, looking out in the air, smiling at something you cannot see.
Some find this same freedom in prayers, some in meditation, and others when concentrating very hard – like when climbing on a crux, or doing sports on a high level. You may need to experiment a while to find the thing that works for you. When you find it, you know how to get back there, and the more you practice it, the better resource it will become for you!
4: Dance
Just like music above, dancing is a way to tap into the rhythms of nature. The main difference is that when dancing, your whole body is moving along, enhancing the experience, and making stronger results, better connections.
I do not care too much where and when I dance – when I need motivation, I may put on some music - on my speakers, my iPod or just in my mind – and then I move my body along to the rhythms. I can be seen doing this on the streets, in an elevator, on stage before my shows, and on the dance floor after my performance. I find dancing to be a great way to create motivation, to stress down, and to connect with my own self.
As a bonus, dancing is a great way to enhance your connection to other people too. If you have ever danced with someone you love, or someone who loves you, you know exactly what I mean! Again, this releases endorphins to your body, making you feel good! And feeling good is the best motivation there is!
3: Nature
The more urban we become, the more detached we become from the nature. When was the last time you went out to a wild forest, to a high mountain or just some remote location by the sea? No matter what your preference, nature has a special rhythm, a way of communication that speaks directly to our mind and body.
Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the nature – hunting, hiking, biking, camping – instantly recognize the power of the nature. How it soothes your mind, relaxes your soul and releases your stress. To harvest this power of nature, all you have to do is put on some comfortable clothes and just start walking. As soon as you leave the city behind, and let you engulf by the sounds (or silence) of nature, you can find somewhere to sit down and just enjoy the peace and harmony.
Take in the view. The colors that surrounds you. The harmony. Just let it flow around and let your mind drift.
While there, consider your breath. Suck air through your nose, and release it slowly through your mouth. Feel the air filling your lungs. Taste it. Try to figure out what it tastes, what it smells. Dirt? Animals? Leaves?
Enjoy the peace in that moment. Try to save it somewhere, where you can find it and remember it when you are back in the busy life again.
I find that I get a lot of new ideas and strength to move on when I do this exercise. And this energy I bring with me, like a charged battery. I can then tap into this energy at will, when needed.
2: Friends
To me, friends are the second best place to find motivation. No matter what I am up to, no matter what I should be solving, I have friends who can and will inspire me.
The trick to using friends as a motivation is to know your friends. The better you know them, the easier it gets to identify the one(s) who can give the right kind of motivation. Of course, this is not something about abusing your friends; it is a mutually beneficial relationship, where you are an inspiration and motivation to them some times, and vice versa.
Depending on what I need, I call upon a friend in the business area of what I need motivation for – being trainings, creativity, security, computers, life in general – anything, and invite him or her on a lunch or dinner. When we get there, we just talk normally and discuss whatever topic I need help for. The solution may not be provided there and then, but the ideas and information that are discussed over that meal is a huge boost to my motivation, and then towards the solution I am looking for.
As a great bonus, the friendship grows and prospers as we recognize the other person’s needs and knowledge. And by meeting face to face in a busy world, we also get the bonus of breaking off of our normal path.
So knowing your friends and what they care about can be a great boost to your motivation – if you allow yourself to tap into that great resource!
1: Family
To me, my family is the top spot of motivation. No matter what I need, my family will give it to me. Blood is thicker than water, they say, and I find it to be true.
I come from a big family, with many sisters and brothers, uncles and aunts, and they are all resourceful. That also means that they are all quite busy. But they always have time for a pep-talk with another family member.
I got this confirmed to me during my accident. Suddenly, all my family put down what they where doing, and came to see me. Offering help. Comforting me, and the other members of the family. I believe that crisis can make people – and connections between people – stronger. Especially when looking at a family, this becomes obvious. The challenge to some can be to accept that hand your family is readily offering you.
And a crime many of us do is to give our family little time during everyday life. It takes only a very small investment of time and effort to call your parents and say hi. To check in with your brother once in a while, and to ask your sister how she’s been doing lately. And organizing a family get-together is no more of an effort than any BBQ party, yet amazingly appreciated.
Remember that your family is your strongest ties. Your parents will always love you, no matter what you do. Your kids love you unconditionally. Respect it, nurture it and harvest the power of your family when you need motivation!
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Did you like these tips? Do you have other preferred ways of finding motivation? What do you do to get you back up from the down-hills of life? Please share your thoughts in the comments!
Long time pondering about life - Learning experiences from rehab
Submitted by kairoer on Wed, 10/28/2009 - 11:15.
It has been more than one month since my last update. There are many reasons for this, the most relevant one is total lack of energy.
As you may know, I have been rehabilitating since my accident in August. I spent two weeks in a hospital, then the next six weeks at a rehabilitation and training facility where I had to learn how to work my body again. Physical workouts two and three times a day is certain to drain your energy - especially when your body uses lots of it's energy on rebuilding bones and muscles too.
Some of my learning experiences during these weeks can be summarized like this:
- I love Life. I truly do. I guess this is something that you first truly realize when you almost die.
- No matter how hard it is to work yourself back, if you set a goal, you will make it!
- There are always people worse off than you are. I got all my limbs, I will be able to use them all, my brain is still with me, I breath myself. I walk. Heck, I even run already! Most likely, all I'll have left in a years time is a bad experience and some scars!
- Many new friends, who are much closer to grasp what happened than most of my other friends.
- Accidents, strokes and cancer may happen to anyone - there's no difference no matter what layer of the society you come from, no matter what your job is, no matter your income and social status. It just may strike you one day, so better enjoy the time you got!
- Life changing experiences really are life changing. My direction and purpose of life has become significant, and the accident was an approval to my choices, a way to tell me that I am on the right track.
- Family and friends really do care for you. No matter what you may think today, they are there if you need them, when you need them. I am simply amazed at how my family (a pretty large one) and my friends have been there for me in this period.
- My head did take a hit, and it become more evident by the day. I seem to have forgotten some words, some logic and common knowledge - you know the general consensus that we learn at some point, but is a total waste of time and energy. It is a freedom, but also a challenge as I must concentrate much more than I used to. Even when doing things I love, like writing.
- I get tired - not physical, but in a mindful way, like the head is getting heavy, and my eyes get blurred. So I have learned (still am, to be honest) to relax more, to do things in my own pace, and to accept that some things just takes more time and effort now.
- Life goals are what keeps you going. So set your goals, and start walking!
My best tip to anyone today is to sit back, review your life so far, try to remember the dreams from your childhood and adolescent time. They are still in you, and I believe that they speak the truth about your life goals. They may seem a bit odd, naive even. But in them, you will find the very base of your life goal, the purpose of your very life.
When you rediscover these dreams of yours, make room for them in your life. For myself, that means I have to quit doing many of the things I have introduced into my life, like the doing of things I do not like. Things that cloak me with importance and haste, and that when I review them later, made no sense to me and my personal journey.
Being happy in life - when you know your life purpose - is about doing less of things you hate, and more of things you love!
Spend your time wisely - it may be over in a split second!
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